I really miss running. My knee is hurt again so I haven’t been able to run. I do other things, but nothing gives me the release like running. I need it to feel good and have energy. I need it so I can have rhythm in my day. My need for it is a bit extreme. I think many runners feel this way. It really is my escape and has been for many years.

I started to run when James was six months old. I ran because he would not go into the nursery at the gym and I felt too guilty leaving him there crying. By the time Mike got home from work, I did not want to go to the gym. So I bought a running stroller and started running. I soon built up my miles. I remember the first time I ran 8 miles, I could not believe I did it. It was such a great feeling. I signed up for a marathon and ran it the next year. Although I never ran a marathon again, I did run several half-marathons, 5Ks and 10Ks.

I found I could talk to people when I ran. I could open up and be me. I know that sounds crazy, but it is so true. I met many of my dearest friends running. We’ve worked through many personal and family problems while running. I’ve cried, laughed, and processed so many different things on my runs. It’s hard to express the joys running has given me over the years. When I moved to Keller Texas, I quickly found a running group and have already met so many wonderful ladies. I miss them and I miss running.

When my knee hurts, I still run. I really don’t stop until my body makes me. And this has happened. It happened six years ago with surgery on my right knee and two years ago with surgery on my left. Now it is my right knee again. I’m so mad about my knee. I just want to power through the pain and I can’t. I try, but I hobble as pain shoots up after every step. I had an x-ray and a MRI and there isn’t any broken bones or torn ligaments. It’s just old age and arthritis. I’m getting an injection of a gel-type substance that a friend of mine says has had great success with her patients in the past. It is hopefully better than cortisone, which I’ve already experienced multiple times.

I’ve been an athlete most of my life. As a child I was a gymnast, dancer, and diver. During my 20’s I was an aerobic gym nut and in my 30’s-40’s a runner. I always need to move my body and engage in physical exercise in order for my mind to work and not sink into the pit of depression.  I still suffer from depression as well as anxiety, but healthy eating and active exercise are absolutely essential in lifting the fog that falls on me. Keeping Christ as my focus is also crucial. When the world goes crazy and when everything around me seems to be changing, the Truth of God stabilizes me.

When I’m unable to run, it is time for me to walk and enjoy the gentle pleasure of getting out and exploring the neighborhood. I often listen to a podcast or book on tape during my walks. I often walk my dog at the same time. It is relaxing and enjoyable. But it doesn’t build up the endorphins the way a good run does. I will get the injection and find out if my knees can handle a few more years of running. I may be nearing the end of my running career and this really upsets me.


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