Even Me

Do you ever question, what’s my purpose? Why am I here? Boy, I sure do. I can sink into a depression pit so fast. I can wallow in self-pity like a trooper. But God is so good; he won’t allow it for long. He wants to use each of us; yes … even me.

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He urges and nudges me … Keep going. Push on. God will direct my steps. Compromise or settling for less-than is not on God’s timetable. God has a purpose. He can use me. Yes, even me.

Words and thoughts enter that say I’m not good enough. I don’t have her ease with conversation; I’m not as well liked as she is; how and why would I ever think I could do this? How foolish. So I pause and listen. Then my writing is stifled. I write, but I don’t post. I have interviews set up, but time conflicts barricade progress. I feel like giving up.

But God reminds me, through a bible story meant for the preschoolers at church, what he directs, he equips. I do not need to be as easily relatable as someone else. I don’t need to be as eloquent as I feel she is. Comparing me to someone else is ridiculous. God gifted me with my gifts, not hers. He knows me and he knows my ability. If he can use rocks to speak, he can use me too.

In Nehemiah’s story, he used all kinds of people to help build the wall. All of Nehemiah chapter three is dedicated to the people who helped build the wall. Most we don’t know: the sons of Hassenaah or the daughters of Shallum. We have no idea their names, how many, what they felt like or said or were in the process of doing. We don’t know these sons and daughters, but God does. He knows each of them intimately. He values each so much he placed them in His book for the world to hear about.

Could my name be among those he knows and calls? Do I need to be a big name such as Ruth or Esther? Or can I be a daughter – one of many that God intimately knows and has called for his purpose? A work that he wants completed and in my small part will complete one section of?

I need encouragement to be pulled from the rut that turns in my mind. It pulls me down. God reminds me this morning, through the bible story of Nehemiah, he uses all for a purpose. Each of us has a role to play in God’s overall plan.

I do not know God’s plan. But I trust he will use me to help accomplish it. Yes, even me.


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